The Shrinky Dink

Freud
Department of Discrimination
University of VagLess
Neverland, JD 48320

Dear Freud,

    I am writing to inform you that the Common Sense Buero is currently conducting a large scale investigation and are in need of your expert opinion. Below is a description of case:

Background Information: 2 weeks ago a 18 yr old female who is a full time student, currently enrolled in an intro to psychology course, filled out a police report. The report stated that all women should have a sense of penis envy. Which she described to us as the innate desire for her missing 3rd leg. After being informed of this, she became severely distressed as she could not find her penis envy. She resides in a dormatory and thought perhaps one of her living mates had stolen it from her. She questioned every girl who lived within the dorm asking them if "They had seen her penis envy?". Shockingly no one was able to identify it. Moreover, most of the students she had questioned seemed to have also misplaced their own. As she grew more anxious she started retracing her steps during daily activites, such as taking the trash out, at her part time job as a volunteer firefighter and even while she did her laundry, but no luck.  She seemed to be quit distressed about the situation and urged us to conduct a full investigation.

Evidence: Complying with her request, we had a team of our top investigators go out to find a lead. Unfortutently our investigation was a futile effort, unable to identify even a single lead. Further it seems that we have a major crisis on our hands, as no females have been able to identify their own penis envy.

Our team fears the worst, that we will never be able to find the missing 3rd legs. If we are unable to find any evidence in favor of the missing item at hand, we will be forced to close this case with the requistion stating due to a lack of evidence, we cannot prove the existence of the penis envy.

We hope that you can provide us with some sort of evidence and an explanation as to how an entire female population has seemed to misplaced theirs.

Sincerely,

The Common Sense Buero




~ Dr. Shrink

1 of the most basic and essential skills to learn is the highly intellectual and complex technique of coding. It takes many months (sometimes years) of practice to get just right. Only a competant and well liked mentor, could possibly guide you in this journey, by providing you with essential tools, like a brand new 1000 participant study to code. Thanks!

Monday:
1, tab 2, tab 4, tab 6, tab 2. tab 2, tab 9, tab 10, tab 11, tab 12, tab 2, tab 4, tab 6, tab 9, tab 1, tab, 43, Backspace, tab 3, tab 7, tab 3, tab 3, tab 1, tab 1, (I can do this!) tab 1, tab 11, tab 5, tab 3, tab 8, tab 2, tab 4, tab 6, (ok honestly!?) tab 2. tab 2, tab 9, tab 10, tab 11, tab 12, tab 2, tab 4, tab 6, tab 9, tab 1, tab, 21, Backspace, tab 3, tab 7, tab 3, tab 3, tab 1, tab 1, tab 1, tab 11, tab 5, tab 3, tab 8....FML

Tuesday:
tab 2, tab 4, tab 6, tab 2. tab 2, tab 9, tab 10, tab 11, tab 12, tab 2, tab 4, tab 6, tab 9, tab 1, tab 5,  tab 3, tab 7, tab 3, tab 3, tab 1, (I wonder why this requires so much practice?) tab 1, tab 1, tab 11, tab 5, tab 3, tab 8, tab 2, tab 4, (CUNT!) tab 6, tab 2. tab 2, tab 9, tab 10, tab 11, tab 12, tab 2, tab 4, tab 6, tab 9, tab 1, tab, 43, Backspace, tab 3, tab 7, tab 3, tab 3, tab 1...Maybe I'm doing it wrong.

I won't bore you with the continuation of what I did for the nex  3 months, but I will provide you with a list of essential knowledge I gained:
1. Never take your pinky off the tab key, this could result in DISASTEROUS effects. Like having to return to consiousness to hit the backspace key
2. Discrimination exists even if you are represented by a variable... women are always coded as 0 White as 1, asian as 2, african american as 3......mexican as 6 and for the very confused 7 as "other".
3. Missing data is coded as 666......
4. 666 is the sign of the devil, your mentor will develop multiple personality disorder, 1 being Satin. 
5. Coding is a basic technique used to teach resilience. After deception has taken place and a false sense accomplishment has been instilled, your mentor will be there to remind you that practice makes perfect as he/she informs you that ALL data must be coded twice, for detection of errors.

Keep on mentoring.......

Dr. Shrink